A story about life

Hi! I just wanted to share how my life is currently fucked up! I really hate myself you know? Like i HATE IT, I FUCKING HATE IT. Why can't i control my anger? Why am i too soft hearted? I fucking hate myself bro, to the point i wish i was dead. I even questioned myself — "do I deserve this life?" I dont, i really don't. I hate how i can't control my anger, i hurt people. I HURT MY OWN PARENTS FOR FREAKS SAKE! Fuck, please, im so tired.. I hate how IM SO FUCKING SOFT HEARTED, I CRIED AT THINGS EASILY. I LOOK LIKE A WEAK HUMAN. Whenever i tried to express or explain my side, i always end uo crying :/ There was one night, ONE FUCKING NIGHT WHERE IT ALL HAPPENED. I DONT KNOW WHATS GOTTEN INTO ME BUT I FUCKING HURT THEM, I HURT MY PARENTS BY MY OWN WORDS. I REGRET IT, I FUCKING DID AND I CANT EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THAT. That night too, i broke down infront of my mom, i was trying not ti cry by keeping myself busy in drawing but i failed. I couldn't bear it anymore, i was so tired. Really really tired. I kept crying infront of my sister HAHSHHAHAHAH, oh and looking back at it now. I cringe whenever i remembered that i literally broke and finally let out all my feelings infront of my mom, it's too awkward hehe. Never again. I cried for 1-2 straight hours HAHAHAHAHAH (or so) my eyes fr started burning lol and i couldn't even breath properly because of crying too much. While on the other hand, my sister tried to cheer me up by making me laugh. Lol imagine crying while laughing, i look like a crazy psycho maniac HAHAHAHHA ANYWAYS. That night i really wanted ti dissappear so bad :) like if only that didn't happened. But eventually as time went by, toxic thoughts started flowing together. I blamed it all on myself. Like im a disappointment as the eldest daughter, how i dont deserve this life or stuffs HAHAHAHHA YK. Oh and also, that night i didn't eat dinner. I was not in the mood but as midnight came i felt really hungry so j went to buy biscuits hehe:) (luckily i have money). Me and my mother didn't talk after that. Then tomorrow came and i still didn't have the appetite to eat and guess what? My grandma just cook me a food so i could eat🥹🥹she even said this; "I made u food okay? So eat it, i know the feeling when you're hungry. I felt that before and my stomach hurts". She even said i could drink coke so that i have the appetite to eat 🥹🥹. LIKE IM SO SPEECHLESS 😭😭 ILYSMMM IM SORRY I CANT EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS OT THOUGHTS PROPERLY I CANT 😭😭😭😭 As in, i vented out to one of my friend cause they insisted and i felt better they even gave me advice and I LOVE THE FACT THAT THEY DIDN'T TOLERATE MY ACTIONS INSTEAD THEY CORRECT ME FOR MY MISTAKES!! ILYSMM GUYS!! 💞 💗 This recently happened and I'm currently taking things slow. Im trying to be better version of myself, I'm currently choosing peace over anything at the moment. Im working on myself hehe. Im still trying ti control my anger lol. Remember, yiu guys can do it! I almost lose hope but im feeling better than ever because i cried it all to God, he saved me again. He listened to me hehe, so u should too okay? It's just a bad day, not a bad life! Incase no one has told you lately, but I'm so proud of you for making it here today! Keep going love! KAKAYANIN AND PADAYON ‼️ I LOVE YOU AND SENDING HUGS! -yumii :*