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hi lian. nakita ko lang tong website sa tiktok, eh ayaw ko naman mag chat sayo kasi tangina awkward yan, kaya dito na lang hindi mo rin naman makikita to panigurado. tangina lian, ang hirap mong kalimutan, akala ko dobrang dali lang pero hanggang ngayon iniisip pa rin kita, naiisip pa rin kita puta. ansakit sakit mong mahalin, sinaktan mo ako pero bakit ganito ikaw pa rin. i hate you for making me feel that way, sobrang gago mo, nakakainis ka pero puta mahal pa rin kita. sabi ko kada tinatanong nila ako e naka move on na ako sayo/satin kasi ayon yung alam ko e pero bakit parang ginagago ko lang yung sarili ko kasi hindi pa pala, ikaw pa rin pala. kada post na nakikita ko, kada songs na nagp-play, ikaw unang una kong naaalala. pati ba naman sa panaginip ko hindi ka nagpapaawat, sobrang hd ng mukha mo don pero yung iba e napaka labo kingina. mukha naman akong tanga dito, pero sige dito na lang at least hindi mo makikita, walang makakakita ahahhahhahha. shit ka, naka move on ka na siguro, may bago na siguro tapos ako? andito pa rin, hindi ako makausad traffic yata. tangina lian, kailan.. kailan ako makakausad, pinilit ko naman, ginawa ko naman e pero wala kingina, akala ko hindi na ikaw pero bakit ganito, nasasaktan pa rin ako. sabi ko bibigyan ko yung sarili ko ng time para ma unfriend ka sa lahat ng socmed account ko pero bwisit sa tiktok pa lang nagagawa ko. hindi ko na masabi to sa mga kaibigan ko e, nahihiya na rin ako mag open about sayo/satin kasi ang sabi ko hindi na ikaw. yung letter na ginawa ko sayo, nandito pa rin, hindi ko mapunit e hahaha sayang nga e, hindi mo manlang nabasa. alam mo ba natatakot ako na makita ka, feeling ko mamamatay ako kapag nagkita ulit tayo, nung kuhaan nga ng card e, akala ko ikaw yung nagsalita shet tumigil yung mundo ko non, tangina kahit ibang tao nagiging ikaw eh no. sabi ko na nga ba e, kapag nawala ka may part sakin na mawawala rin, totoo nga kingina parang may kulang sakin. shit ka, nagr-reminisce nanaman tuloy ako, hindi lang ako maaliw saglit, ikaw nanaman ulit. oy 3500 lang kaya neto shit ka, baka hindi umabot lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sayo pero pwede pa naman ako siguro gumawa ng bago e. nag open ako kila jana e, andami kong sinabi about sayo, pati mga takot ko tapos lahat ng kinakatakutan ko mangyari, nangyari na ahaha. napapaisip nga ako kung naiisip mo pa kaya ako kasi ako oo, naiisip pa rin kita. inangyan ilang weeks lang naman tayo nakapag usap pero shit hirap ako mag move on boss, baka nga mag months o worse years pa boss, hirap mong kalimutan boss parang ano naman e haha. ayaw na nga kitang maging cm e, natatakot ako haha kasi baka bumalik yon. magpapasukan na ulit tapos hindi pa ako nakakausad sayo/satin. kelan kaya? kelan kaya uusad tong traffic na to, gusto ko ng makausad e ahaha ayoko naman iandar kasi baka bumangga, masaktan lang ako. pero sana, sana bago tayo grumaduate e naka graduate na rin ako sayo boss, ayoko na e masyado ng masakit. masarap kang mahalin, pero masakit din ahaha mekus ba. antanga ko, ako tumapos pero ako tong di makausad. ikaw naman kasi, bat ganyan ka, ikaw tong umamin e pero ako yung parang naghabol. gago ang hirap lian, ang hirap mong kalimutan. sobra kitang mahal, genuine yung love ko sayo kaya siguro hindi ako makausad o sadyang hindi ko pa talaga kaya. lods, may chance pa ba? may time ba na babalik tayo sa isat isa? o hindi talaga tayo ang para sa isat isa, baka lesson lang talaga tayo for each other? i love you, hanggang ngayon. sana makausad nako.

in response to what might have been the most intense, twisted, catastrophic rollercoaster of a breakup i've ever experienced, i wrote a series of letters - to myself, to her, to my friends and family who watched me struggle through it, to anyone who was willing to listen, basically. i'm ready to share, finally, so here are those letters. 1: let’s just leave this lying where it is faint breaths of early spring air. a couch soft underneath my touch and a room that’s all too silent in our collective presence. your thigh pressed firmly, comfortably up against mine and our hands locked in an embrace that’s messy, yet somehow imperfectly perfect - and one that is so unmistakably us that it’s almost painful. you say, “should we?” and it’s all the invitation i need to lead the way into unknown territory. my memory becomes a blur up until a dimly lit bathroom appears. although only a few seconds, it feels like forever before a door clicks shut behind us and your hand dances across my jawline slowly. in this moment, you are everything. i inhale, and it’s you, i exhale and it’s still you. your fingertips find my freshly straightened hair and my lips find yours. this is everything to me, it’s the moment that i replay a thousand times in my head on the drive home. it’s the song i fall asleep to and your text that i wake up to. “my gorgeous girl,” you call me, and i fall apart. 2: when what you think of me, is important it rips at my heart at the most unexpected times, when i am reminded of the conversations we have at 3am. the conversations where i throw my voice in a way that leaves me feeling sick - leaves my friends gripping at me just that extra bit tighter when they hold me the next morning. i wake up with blurry eyes and a spinning head, yet my first thought is always still you. 3: i would’ve loved you forever seasons pass, lovers come and go - still it always comes back to you. i envision spending new octobers in the embraces of new people, but november comes around and my mind still lingers on the way you kissed me as if i was all you had ever wanted. but then the train of thought rolls back up to the last station on its journey, and i’m forced to confront the last time you dropped my hand, and the piece of paper out of a school book that defined our fate. the look on your friend's face as she watched my heart shatter like a piece of dropped glass. the looks that my own friends shared between themselves as they were forced to watch me slowly, agonisingly pick myself apart over you. 4: i won’t ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay one final look between us. i hope you can read the words that rest on the tip of my tongue, because we both know i’m not going to say them. there’s an indefinable haze cast over the surface of your eyes. i can’t tell if the warmth on my cheeks is a steady blush as a result of the bitter september air, or if it’s my own tears. you can tell, but you’re not going to say it. the silence says enough. if you don’t speak now, then i’m going to walk away, i think i say. you stay quiet, and it says enough. your eyes flicker away from mine, looking anywhere but me, and it says enough. you finally turn, and take the first, and last, steps away from me, and it says enough. i hope you can feel my gaze burning into your back with every step you take. i want to pull on the strings of your heart, use them to guide you back over here like a puppet. before i can, they slip out of my reach. you slip out of my reach.

So today after class I got pulled aside by my teacher and he accused me of cheating. He basically said that he knew I was a cheater and that I cheated on his exams and that if I didn't admit the truth to him, he would take this to extreme levels and go even further than just simply reporting me. Also due to the fact that this was after class, his next class would be coming in and he pressured me with time. When I wouldn't answer trying to find the words to defend myself he kept non-stop talking and threatening me if I didn't admit to cheating, barely letting me talk. In addition, he also said that I was dumb for thinking he wouldn't notice because "Someone like me who doesn't usually score this high, scored very high on the hardest exams. You do well on multiple choice but there is no way you get that high of a score on 1 section and completely fail the free response". I was having a panic attack and almost cried when he kept persisting, and I ultimately gave him the response he wanted which was that I "cheated". He wasn't accepting a no from me ever. And for the rest of the talk he just kept saying he was angry and disappointed and that he wanted to change my grade to failing and report me and I just sat there quivering and scared agreeing with him saying that I was ashamed of myself and he has the right to be mad at me. I really wish I was better at standing up for myself and controlling my fear. So to give some background info: I am in this business/financing class at my school and I am not the best at it. I usually score average with just passing grades on my exams. It is my 2nd semester now and I still continue(d) to struggle. We have 2 sections on our exams, one section that is like circle the correct answer from these choices and the other section requires us to freehand it, basically like free response questions. I usually do better on multiple choice and because I practice them more. This semester, our teacher warned us that we would have 2 difficult tests coming up due to the content of the unit. I was already scared as my grade is like a 65 in the class and I needed it to go up so I studied my butt off for those tests. It kind of paid off since I scored very high on the multiple choice section as compared to my previous multiple choice scores. Unfortunately I didn't do as well on the free response for both of them, making my overall score for those tests about an 80-85. I was able to bring my grade up a bit though. Unfortunately, we would be having our ultimate finale exam for the semester a few weeks later which our teacher said would basically count for a good portion of our final grade. I completely bombed it, as I was stressed out, didn't get enough sleep, and my mind was pretty shitty and mentally unwell that day(something I have always struggled with). Scores came back and I did a pretty bad job on it, on both sections(my class grade is at least passing though). But something I didn't know was that he had actually gave me a different multiple choice section than the rest of my class, which was a copy from a different period but the same course/same material. So now that I didn't do well, his conclusion is basically that I cheated because I scored high on multiple choice sections when I usually never score that high, meaning that I copied from other people around me. According to him, this was why I scored horribly on the multiple choice for the final exam, since I had a different copy and could not copy off of others

hi trix, im here again on another confession / anonymous web to finally rant this feelings I've had for u hshshah been so desperate na kasi and so hard nang itago pa. wala ano, nakakaiyak lang trix, kasi ngayon ko lang nalaman, na gusto mo rin pala ako. gagi hindi ko kasi inisip yon dati kasi akala ko kaibigan lang turing mo sakin hahahah. gagi ansakit, nakakaiyak. imagine from 9th grade hahahahah wala diko alam ano sasabihin ko dito pero I just wanna let everything out since i had no courage to say this to you. gagi ka kasi talagaa. andami kong what if's, to this day hahahha gagi. ik i might sound toxic pero, what if nag confess ka nun sakin? what if pinursue moko at hindi moko shinip sakanya? hahahaha what if u took the risk? what if naging tayo? bahahahahaha gagi. ansakit gagi nakakapagsisi, oo i sound bad and selfish for saying this. pero sana ikaw nalang. sana ikaw nalang. ansakit nya kasi hahahahah, ansakit magmahal at ansakit mahalin hahahha ofc character development akoh ih. kaya halos napapaisip ako, paano kaya kung naging ikaw? would you hurt me ba? will i have to beg for u ba to treat me better? kasi ik yk me, yk me well. sorry trix nasaktan kita nung oras na nagrarant ako sayo abt her at halos naging backburner ka, im sorry that i made u feel that : ( sorry that i hurted u, if only ik that time na may nararamdaman ka pala sakin noong shiniship mo kami, hindi ko alam and i feel soo bad for that, sana alam mo : ( wala gagi ka ano nakakaiyak lang kasi talaga, halos hindi ko na alam ano pa sasabihin ko dito hahahha gagi kaiyak sobra, hindi ko alam, wala akong idea. though oo napapansin ko, pero binabalewala ko nalang kase hindi sumasagi sa isip ko na magkakagusto ka sakin trix. pero tbh, nakakatampo ka. nakakatampo ka sa part na u didn't pursue me, na u didn't took the risk at malalaman ko sa oras na huli na, na wala nakong magagawa : (( trix, ako parin ba? hahahah napapagod na kasi akong mag assume sa mga notes mo. pero just know na oo, oo ikaw yung nasa notes ko. and sana alam mo. sorry ang messed up ng message ko, sobrang magulo na din talaga kasi utak ko eh hahhaha sobrang naguguluhan at nasasaktan ako sa sitwasyon ko ngayon hahahha. andami kong what ifs, andaming overthinkings. pero i just wanna thank you sa lahat, those times na sinamahan moko, for not hesitating to respond even if kailangan na kailangan mo rin nang sasalba sayo sa oras na 'yon. im sorry that hindi kita pinansin for weeks, nasaktan lang ako sa naparamdam mo, pero naiintindihan ko trix. ansakit parin talaga, sana andito ka ngayon. sana kausap kita, kase ikaw lang ang marunong akong pakalmahin hahsha. sana nga ano? sana hindi ka naging mahina nung oras na 'yon, sana alam ko at sana alam mo na hanggang ngayon, may nararamdaman parin ako sayo hahaha. i loved u too. pero tulad mo, naging mahina ako at takot akong masira ang friendship natin. pakatatag ka ah? laban lang trix. we'll get through this. wag pabayaan sarili ha, ik its already awkward for thr both of us to rant to each other, pero andito lang ako. andito lang ako para sayo, one call away. survive for me ah, if ever i fail to. andami ko pang gustong sabihin, pero wala nauunahan ako ng hinanakit ngayon hahahaha kaiyak. as i write this, just know that i missed u. how i badly wanna hit u up pero hindi ko kaya. thankyou for making me feel special, for making me feel heard and valued. mananatili ka sa puso ko, you'll always have a special place in my heart, i guarantee. ilysm.

So I went on a field trip with my grade on the second day a boy said he like me. This boy was one of my boy best friends and I have never seen him as more. But even before he said he liked me his friend was asking very personal questions like what do u like in a man, why don’t you like him(the boy who asked me out ima call him Lev) and he even said “ you should like him he is a really sweet dude and I know you don’t like him but like him so you guys Can date and have sex” btw im 13 I haven’t even had my first kiss with a dude so call down bud. Anyways at the field trip Lev asked me out and I said no he then said “we can date in secret nobody needs to know” and I say no again cause i don’t like him, but to make sure his feeling aren’t hurt I say maybe in the future when I’m older and more mature I’ll think about it. And I left. The rest of the field trip all my friends ignored me and talk shit behind my back like I wasn’t even there. Lev obviously had told everyone that I know including people that i don’t know. I felt so depressed and just wanted to go back home. What was supposed to be a fun field trip turned into a drama show. Afterwards around 3 days after Lev best friend won’t stop texting me saying how Lev was suicidal and it was my fault and that I should answer every time Lev texts or just date him. I told him to stop as it was getting really annoying and really stressing. Because imagine he did kill himself and everyone would blame it on me. I went to bed and tried to sleep. When I woke up around 10 am I checked my phone and I see thousand of text messages. First I check Lev’s best friends text saying “hey answer his text” “wake up” “if he dies it’s ur fault” “text him back” “did u see he cut up his leg” *sends images of Lev’s legs covered in scratches. I left him on opened and checked everyone else’s messages they where all very similar to what Lev’s best friend wrote. And finally I check Lev’s message. It was very suicidal and my hand where shacking as I read it. A summary to what he wrote would be “I like you I believe in karma so if I do anything wrong to you something bad will happen to me if u say no and tell ANYONE I have 3 options and there not very good ones so make up ur mind” (the three options where 1.switching school 2. Suicide 3. Run away) Lev’s best friend saw that I had opened his text and wouldn’t stop texting to me so I started saying that he needed to stop and that I have feelings too and I had to watch as everyone turned there back on me because I didn’t like a dude. I sent his a video around 1 minute long explains how this was so messed up and how I was feeling very suicidal and was depressed in that 1 minute video I said “it not funny anymore” which was like 4 seconds long. Guess what that was the only thing he commented on. I said good bye and shut my phone off to cry I grabbed a pair of scissors and thought about it. My mom came in as I make a small cut on my neck. I told her everything. I felt so free and yet so tired. My mom was so surprised and said she needed to tell me dad. He got upset saying he was proud of me but I shouldn’t have tried that. It very uncommon that a guy tries to kill himself over a girl just because she doesn’t like him. After a long talk I felt better. And finally messaged Lev. The right thing I still didn’t like him but he shouldn’t do it because he was a great dude. I turned of my phone afterwards. And slept. Peacefully

Hi! I just wanted to share how my life is currently fucked up! I really hate myself you know? Like i HATE IT, I FUCKING HATE IT. Why can't i control my anger? Why am i too soft hearted? I fucking hate myself bro, to the point i wish i was dead. I even questioned myself — "do I deserve this life?" I dont, i really don't. I hate how i can't control my anger, i hurt people. I HURT MY OWN PARENTS FOR FREAKS SAKE! Fuck, please, im so tired.. I hate how IM SO FUCKING SOFT HEARTED, I CRIED AT THINGS EASILY. I LOOK LIKE A WEAK HUMAN. Whenever i tried to express or explain my side, i always end uo crying :/ There was one night, ONE FUCKING NIGHT WHERE IT ALL HAPPENED. I DONT KNOW WHATS GOTTEN INTO ME BUT I FUCKING HURT THEM, I HURT MY PARENTS BY MY OWN WORDS. I REGRET IT, I FUCKING DID AND I CANT EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THAT. That night too, i broke down infront of my mom, i was trying not ti cry by keeping myself busy in drawing but i failed. I couldn't bear it anymore, i was so tired. Really really tired. I kept crying infront of my sister HAHSHHAHAHAH, oh and looking back at it now. I cringe whenever i remembered that i literally broke and finally let out all my feelings infront of my mom, it's too awkward hehe. Never again. I cried for 1-2 straight hours HAHAHAHAHAH (or so) my eyes fr started burning lol and i couldn't even breath properly because of crying too much. While on the other hand, my sister tried to cheer me up by making me laugh. Lol imagine crying while laughing, i look like a crazy psycho maniac HAHAHAHHA ANYWAYS. That night i really wanted ti dissappear so bad :) like if only that didn't happened. But eventually as time went by, toxic thoughts started flowing together. I blamed it all on myself. Like im a disappointment as the eldest daughter, how i dont deserve this life or stuffs HAHAHAHHA YK. Oh and also, that night i didn't eat dinner. I was not in the mood but as midnight came i felt really hungry so j went to buy biscuits hehe:) (luckily i have money). Me and my mother didn't talk after that. Then tomorrow came and i still didn't have the appetite to eat and guess what? My grandma just cook me a food so i could eat🥹🥹she even said this; "I made u food okay? So eat it, i know the feeling when you're hungry. I felt that before and my stomach hurts". She even said i could drink coke so that i have the appetite to eat 🥹🥹. LIKE IM SO SPEECHLESS 😭😭 ILYSMMM IM SORRY I CANT EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS OT THOUGHTS PROPERLY I CANT 😭😭😭😭 As in, i vented out to one of my friend cause they insisted and i felt better they even gave me advice and I LOVE THE FACT THAT THEY DIDN'T TOLERATE MY ACTIONS INSTEAD THEY CORRECT ME FOR MY MISTAKES!! ILYSMM GUYS!! 💞 💗 This recently happened and I'm currently taking things slow. Im trying to be better version of myself, I'm currently choosing peace over anything at the moment. Im working on myself hehe. Im still trying ti control my anger lol. Remember, yiu guys can do it! I almost lose hope but im feeling better than ever because i cried it all to God, he saved me again. He listened to me hehe, so u should too okay? It's just a bad day, not a bad life! Incase no one has told you lately, but I'm so proud of you for making it here today! Keep going love! KAKAYANIN AND PADAYON ‼️ I LOVE YOU AND SENDING HUGS! -yumii :*

[LONG BUT I REALLY NEED ADVICE, COMMENTS APPRECIATED!!!] i (18F) and my bf (18M) have been togther for around 5 years now. he's my world, and we have a really healthy relationship. however, that doesn't stop me from being concerned about my best friend, we'll call her sophie (17F), being around him. initially, it wasn't much. she would talk to him and laugh (A LOT), and id always brush it off because he truly is a funny guy. sometimes she'd tell me "omg your bf is actually so funny", and ask me if he was attending events we'd go to. but then i began noticing other things. recently we were walking to our next class which was upstairs, and there's a set of doors at the top of these stairs. typically my boyfriend meets me at the top of the stairs past the door, but this time met me at the base of the stairs, and sophie was with me. we walked upstairs (sophie ahead, me and my bf behind) and she got to the door. she held it open, which was odd because she was literally in the way of everyone else trying to get up the stairs. but she only held it open until she could get behind us, and proceeded to walk right next to my bf. this is only weird because there was plenty of room next to me and she literally isnt friends with him. she was right up against his shoulder, and there was much room for her to not be. so he got pissed and moved to the other side of me, to which she said "awww you didn't miss me huh?". i was like wtf, as was he. another incident was in class a month ago when she sat down in front of my bf and kept turning around to face him in his desk. she'd just smile at him and turn back around. it was so strange. i think the breaking point for me was the outfit incident. id been facetiming sophie when my boyfriend (who id sent a fit check to prior) texted me saying i looked beautiful. so i told sophie, typical best friend behavior, and was like "omg isn't he so cute" - just me giggling over him and her typical "oh shut up" in her sarcastic joking tone. lo and behold, the next day she shows up to school in an outfit that looks damn near identical to the one my boyfriend said i looked beautiful in. whatever, right? WRONG! she went up to him later that day while i was with him and said, "omg, someone just told me that [my name] and i look like twins! isnt that so funny?". he awkwardly laughed and stated that we really don't look like twins. i later found out that she told another mutual friend of ours that she hoped he would've said something about her outfit. it disgusted me. stuff began flooding in about her copying my mannerisms around my bf, my speech, even my mf sneeze. i confronted her two days ago and she denied everything, saying i was controlling and obsessed with my bf. she told me that if i "couldn't handle him having female friends, that maybe i should be single". i replied quickly that they aren't even friends, and she got all butthurt and said that i was a shitty gf. i talked to my bf later and we made a plan of action together as to how to deal with sophie. we both agreed on sending a text to her. mine discussed my discomfort with how she's been acting around him and asking her to please stay away from him, and his saying the same things but expressing his own discomfort. i sent mine first and she refused to even read it, but when he sent his she read it right away and then texted me, called me, and left voicemails shouting at me and saying im obsessed with her and am ruining her life. aita?

(In the scenario you’re in 7th grade and you start dating your boyfriend in March ) . Imagine dating someone you knew cheats on his girlfriend but for someone you thought wasn't true and you give them a chance . You start dating them and everything is fine until people judge you for dating them . Then one day during P.E. (Physical Education) you and your boyfriend decide to play truth or dare . Your friend dares your boyfriend to hold your hand and he does for like 5 seconds at most. Then another day you were walking to your class and you see your friend going to her class so you decide to talk to them . You talk to them then you see your boyfriend and he gives you an awkward side hug. You only have one class with your boyfriend which is science. Since you and your boyfriend have science together you had to sex education with him . (Only reason I added this is because of the next part ). Nothing bad happened though until . One day he tells your best friend that he’s breaking up with you. You asked your best friend why he didn't do it himself and he said because you're scary . As mentioned before you have one class with your boyfriend so you thought you two would talk a lot in that class but you were wrong. Instead you can count on your fingers how many times he talked to you . Next school year happens and you're in P.E. with your friends and your talking. She tells you that your ex boyfriend only dated you because some guy that’s not even friends made fun of him for not having a girlfriend. So your ex decides to pick the ugliest girl he could find / most desperate(basically anyone who dated him even with knowing his past ) . Your friends tells you he called you ugly and a bunch of other mean things. Spring’s break starts and the next week you have to go back to school at least that’s what you thought . Until you find out that because of Covid you didn’t have to go school anymore. One of your friends found your ex’s instagram account and gave it to you . You decided to a song prank on him because you're bored . The song is We are Never Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift . You guys got back together even though you knew that stuff and he said about you . He said he changed and you fell right into his trap and got back together with him but only for a day . His mom made him breakup with you because he got in trouble. Couple weeks later you text him because you miss him and he tells you he’s dating some girl named Ginger (wish I was joking about her name ) . Ginger like the plant btw . He shows you a screenshot of a paragraph and his girlfriend sent him and says he loves her . He asks if you want to be in a group chat with her and him and you say no and you block him . Occasionally you still text him because you miss him . But you finally realise the only way to move was if you block him forever and never look at him again. It took you years later to realise he cheated on you with Ginger (how did he get a gf so fast ). He has an annoying voice and he’s not cute . Unfortunately that was me but because of this I learned a lot . I learned I deserve a lot better than someone like that . I hope you learned something from reading and if not that’s okay . I just needed to rant .

I'm just an ordinary person. To others, I'm just another face in the crowd, an NPC. To my parents, I'm a daughter. To my friends, a friend, and to my teachers, a student. There's nothing special about it. It might sound crazy, but being average is tough. Not in a "I want to be the best and most popular" way, but because being average often goes unnoticed. While many chase after the spotlight, it's important to recognize the value in being ordinary. I'm an ordinary girl, struggling like everyone else. I try to make a name for myself through singing, which helps me express my sadness. I know I blend in with the crowd, and there are many who sing better than I do, but finding a sense of belonging, even if it’s small, is enough for me. I'm not academically gifted, but I manage to get through each day. Like anyone else, I have my share of luck and challenges. Ordinary people can become special in their own way, and we all deal with trauma and burdens. Once, after a breakup, I fell in love with a seemingly ordinary boy who supported me throughout the summer. As we spent more time together in online classes, I realized he was more than ordinary, he was special. I pursued him despite his rejections, and eventually, he gave me a chance because he liked my persistence and thought I was special and unique too. I disappointed him by not fulfilling his dreams and expectations for me. He wanted things I didn't desire for myself, and in trying to please him, I sacrificed my own ambitions. When I moved to a new school and country, I discovered things I wanted to pursue, and suddenly, I couldn't ignore my own dreams anymore. This strained our relationship, especially as I dealt with family issues and adjusting to a new environment. But it wasn't just me. He changed too. He initially loved the real me, but then he became infatuated with an idealized version of me. Whether I inadvertently led him on or not, he started to love a version of me that I knew I couldn't become. His words hurt, and it became clear he didn't fully consider the impact of what he said. Being ordinary isn't a problem, but aiming for something beyond your reach can be painful. In my case, it's a typical story: I fell for him first, he followed later, but I grew tired. Just when I was ready to let go, he poured his heart out, hoping to salvage our future together. Sometimes, it's best to stay in your lane of ordinariness. There's a line that ordinary people shouldn't cross because they can't handle it, and they weren't meant to keep up with those who are less ordinary and more important or special. If he happens to stumble upon this, I want to convey a message that might sound typical, but it comes from an ordinary, hurting heart. "R", I'm sorry I couldn't be the perfect girlfriend for you. I genuinely loved you then, and I still do now. I'll always cherish the memories of keeping up with your sweet updates. I wish you nothing but the best. It's better for me to keep these feelings to myself than to spread this sadness and pessimism. You'll always hold a special place in my heart as my first love, not because we lasted long or something, but because you truly made me feel loved.